Polymyalgia Rheumatica - Why Me?: My Fight Against Polymyalgia Rheumatica by Bren Ryan

Polymyalgia Rheumatica - Why Me?: My Fight Against Polymyalgia Rheumatica by Bren Ryan
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I expected the book to be more about PMR but the first half of the book is about accidents (unrelated to PMR) that she was in and recovering from the injuries that resulted. It's only half way through the book that she is diagnosed with PMR. I definitely could relate to the constant tiredness and pain and how people don't get how awful you feel.

"What they don't realize is that it is not the normal aches and pains that subside with rest and a couple of paracetamol...it is muscular pain and inflammation, that has decided it is moving into your cozy body. "

"When people ask how you are...Fine is what we say, because you see we don't look ill, and if we did tell you how we really felt...deep down we know that it would be so hard for a person to believe, how someone looking not so bad on the outside can be so ill on the inside...PMR is the invisible illness."

These are the words she used to describe PMR and I have to say they accurately reflect how I feel.

Useless- Yes, I feel this way especially when I can't do something simple like undress myself.
Burden - yep, and that is the last thing my husband needs he is already burdened with taking care of his Mother, Aunt and sister. He didn't need someone else to take care of.
Guilt - I feel guilty about all the things I can't do or don't get done. Some days even doing the laundry is too much for me.
Depressed- Yes, this is a big one. We put off doing so much because of Hubby's work (he was out of town a lot) and Mother (he constantly has to do stuff around her house leaving little time for us to spend together) but there was always suppose to be this magical one day when he retired and we would have TIME for each other. Now I have to face the fact it will never happen, by the time he has time for me, IF I am still alive I probably won't feel like doing things with him. We got kayaks last year for Christmas, now I wonder if we will ever use them again.
Bitter - Yes, it's not fair
Anxious - Sometimes everything just seems overwhelming and I can't cope with normal every day stress.
Defeated - Yes, sometimes it would be easier just to give up. Sometimes I have really good days. I feel like ME again, it makes the bad days seem so much worse because I wonder if I am ever going to be ME again. The woman that had a zest for living and enjoyed her life.
Low self esteem - yes, because who on earth can't dress themselves, open a jar, bag of chips or whatever simple task I can't do.

One of the hardest things is that people really don't understand that you are seriously ill, they don't get how you simply can't do some things one day especially when the next day you can. It's frightening and you feel very ALONE. If you had cancer you would get lots of sympathy and support and everyone would understand you were sick. With PMR people just wonder WHY your house is a mess, why you don't feel like doing stuff, why you don't ????

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